Humor: The Questions Never Asked

Mark Osmak sent this list of odd and unusual questions. As
long-time subscribers know, I love quirky, strange humor and
this certainly fits the bill! Enjoy them!

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the
batteries are going dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they
know we’re already out of money?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal
injection?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks
when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the
bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with
hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why is it that no plastic bag ever opens from the end you
try first?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was
in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

============== Phil’s contact details:

Copyright (c) 2011, all rights reserved.
U.S. Library of Congress ISSN: 1529-059X
You may copy, forward or distribute TIP’s if this
copyright notice and full information for contacting
Dr Philip E. Humbert are included. Contact him at:
www.philiphumbert.com or email Coach@philiphumbert.com

Flash back to last Sunday morning.

Early.

03:00 Zulu to be exact. That’s 3 a.m., 3 in the morning in ‘Civvy Speak’ or ‘Civilianese’ (remember, everything counts).

Nothing sinister about the time, incidentally, this isn’t a cheap horror movie [grin]. But that’s when it hit me; when the “penny finally dropped” as to what my USP was.

In fact the time doesn’t matter, but when I groggily wrote it down for you at 3 on Sunday morning (I always have pencil and paper to hand, even in bed, which is worrying!), the language I used DID very much matter. It (language) is a big part of my toolbox, what I do, especially for Military CV clients. It’s part of my USP, which stands for “Unique Selling Proposition”.

What does it mean? In the context of your CV your USP is the single most important strength, attribute, personality trait, skill-set, insight or ‘edge’ that you – and you alone – can bring to the table for the employer.

Most people have no knowledge of it. Many think they don’t have one. But in EVERY CASE it’s the reason you get ‘hired’ for an interview, or ‘fired’ from the selection process.

I was recently talking to a client during his telephone consultation regarding just this subject. He had sent me his questionnaire (which, incidentally forms the backbone of our service delivery), duly completed and with sections of his self-written CV copied and pasted into it.

He thought that was enough; job done. It wasn’t. It was only a start, a framework to ‘hang’ his unique attributes on to. I explained it to him this way:

Try to look objectively at the CV you are about to send out, the one that’s hopefully going to snag you an interview for that all-important next position. Just put yourself in the employer’s or selector’s place and ask yourself these simple questions:

1. Out of all the x-hundred CVs I’ve just looked at, ALL of which show that the individual portrayed has all the key qualifications, experience and skills I’ve asked for in the ad (if they haven’t they won’t be in this pile, they will have been binned already), WHY should I call this one to interview?

2. What’s different about her?

3. How is she going to:

If you haven’t made it super-easy for the reader to answer those questions, or better still separated yourself from the pack already by hitting them with all the answers in your opening ‘pitch’ (either in your Cover Letter or the Exec Profile, or both), then – if you’re lucky – you MAY get into the pile of ‘also-rans’ that will be sifted to make a shortlist.

In other words, if your CV and/or Cover Letter haven’t roared out of the envelope and hooked the selector, you’ve already – significantly – diluted your chances of selection. And they’ve not even read past the first ‘fold’ (top third of the page) yet!

What’s the point? In sailing terms, head for clear water. Get yourself into a position where you aren’t competing for space. Let the rest fight over the number 2 or 3 slot. Put yourself ‘in the frame’ right at the start. Make your CV the first ‘choice’ BEFORE any serious comparisons are made.

YOUR MOST IMPORTANT TASK

is to identify your USP and get it into the top third of the page.

How do you positively impact every job you’ve ever done? Maybe you have a positive character trait that’s always being commented on in appraisals?

Find something that only you can do, or an attitude or approach that sets you apart from others. Or an unique specialisation/specialism that has catapulted you ahead of your peers over the years. There will be one (sometimes more than one, or a combination of things). Find it, write it down, and get it into the opening of your CV and/or your Cover Letter, in positive action-orientated terms. That’s it!

So. What’s my USP then?

My USP is that I identify yours.

The reason my CVs win interviews for clients time and time again is that I find or uncover your USP!

Then I turn it into a positive statement or series of statements, translated into ‘Civvy Speak’ (for military CVs) or industry-specific language that the reader immediately understands and connects with.

They usually shortlist you before they’ve read a quarter of the first page.

In short, I sell you as the best possible solution to whatever problems the employer is having with their business. Why wouldn’t they want to interview you?

Simples! (Aleksandr Orloff – the Meerkat)